


Resistance

by Skyepilot



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Coulson takes a cold shower, F/M, Falling In Love, Frustration, Gen, Hugs, Lust, UST, doubting, meta feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 12:28:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2150721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skyepilot/pseuds/Skyepilot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ficlet ruminating on Coulson's control issues and how Skye hugging him in The Hub leads to his decision to walk away from her door in The Bridge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Resistance

He silently let himself out of her bunk and headed up the stairs to his office.

When he was inside, he let himself fall into the chair and closed his eyes, resting his head in his hand.

He could still feel his heart beating hard.

Being in control was what he did best.

It's why Fury always put him on the crazy jobs, like mystic uru hammers landing in the American Southwest.

Because he didn't flinch, and really, the crazier it got?  The more focused he was.

So, why had Skye hugging him almost taken him apart?

He had, literally, held his breath.

It was not a reaction he had anticipated from her. That's what it was. He wasn't thinking, going in like that.

Yes, he figured she would be pleased that he'd looked into her file, but she had thrown herself against him, wrapped her arms around him.

It had all happened so quickly, it was really very unlikely she'd understood the effect it had on him.

At least, that's what he's telling himself.

And the way she stared at him for that long moment afterward.

Like maybe she had done something wrong, or maybe she wanted to do something wrong.

With him.

_Stop it._

He just couldn't think of anything to say to her right then. Because, she hadn't really done anything wrong, it was just, that she had sort of totally disarmed him and he has no idea what to do with it.

Sort of like watching her fingers play over her lips as she stares at you.

 _You can't fall for her,_ he told himself.

He stood up from the chair and walked towards his bedroom, slipping his tie off.

Not only that, but, he didn't even deserve that kind of affection considering he was witholding information from her.

Okay, that made him feel even more guilty.

Guilt was good. Guilt would provide a barrier.

Stopping in front of the closet, he hung the tie up on the rack and put away his jacket.

_She is half your age, and she is not here for you._

He slipped off his belt and let the trousers hit the floor, before picking them up and matching the creases as he slid them back onto their hanger.

She was so warm and she fit so perfectly against him.

_Shit, stop thinking that._

The shirt came off and went in the clothes bin and he headed towards the bathroom.

The memory of her long hair brushing against his fingers. All of that gorgeous hair.

He could've touched her back. Just hugged her back.  What would be the harm?

Maybe a cold shower, then.

This wasn't the first time he'd had thoughts about another agent.

_Messy. It always gets messy._

He imagined things would get very messy with her. The way she wore her heart on her sleeve.

 _Fuck. Those eyes of hers._ They were like magnets.

Pulling his undershirt over his head, he tossed it to the floor and stared at himself in the mirror. At the scar on his chest.

Just a momentary flash, that was all it took. The image of her standing there behind him, her hands around him, running over his scar, kissing the back of his neck, smiling at him. " _Phil._ "

Sliding his boxers off, he turned the stream of water on full blast and groaned at the icy chill.

Leaning his hand against the wall, he manuevered the water over his face, turned and let it wash down his back.

He wasn't letting it go there. He wasn't.

He was still in control.

"Skye."

****

He does pretty good with it for a few days.

Not thinking about the exact feel of her body's weight against him. Or trying to rememorize it.

After all, she likes dreamy guys. Like Thor.

Thor _is_ pretty dreamy.

It's just.

Skye has gone viral.

She is everywhere and in all of his thoughts.

He knows he slips.

Moments where he's stared too long.

Lingering on her eyes like it's its own conversation.

He shouldn't have waited for her like he did, after she'd tucked Hannah away.

It had just felt good to be that close all day.

Natural.

They've started to really synch and the working relationship is producing results. The kind of results Ward isn't getting through training, he's able to get by putting her behind the scenes designing the ops with him.

The way she looks at things is invaluable to him.

It's not because he wants her. That's just a perfectly normal response to Skye.

Because, Skye _is_ amazing.

He's about to take a walk over the plane, just to let the evening settle on him after such an intense day, when he stops at the top of the stairs.

Skye is in her bunk, and she's tearing all of her research from earlier that day to shreds.

Something's obviously gone very wrong for her.

He watches, unable to move, as she slides the door shut in frustration.

Has to be about her parents. And he's still witholding that information from her.

Earlier that day, she'd teased him when he came to collect her for their meeting.

His comment about Truffaut movies, just to see if she would take the bait.

Another slip.

_And she did._

But, he didn't like knowing she was on this futile mission, and something so close to home.

He owes this to her. To himself.

Slowly, he walks down the steps.

He can do this.

_Just tell her the truth._

His hand reaches up to knock and he hears her inside.

Sobbing.

He can't. And it's killing him.

The truth?

All of the things he gave up when he signed on for SHIELD. What he's told himself he can't have.

He's starting to question it.

Because of her.

If she invites him in?

If she throws her arms around him again?

The feelings from that day resurface.

Her body pressed full against his.  Face just that close and her eyes asking a question.

The things he might say or do to be able to answer it.  To shut the door behind them and sit in the dark together.

He'd forgotten those feelings and now he's wanting too much.

His eyes might give him away this time.  She's gotten good at reading him.  Hands he could no longer trust to stay at his side the way they had before.

Something has shifted.

Out here, he's still in control.

His hand falls to his side.

And so he turns obediently and walks away.

It's the choice he made when he joined SHIELD.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
